Start Rules of casual dating

Rules of casual dating

When it comes to digital communication, it's a good rule to avoid chit-chat and mostly stick instead to just making plans to meet in person. If they follow you, ignore it—they aren't on your level. Example: A dude I met through Tinder followed me on IG before even our first date.

Someone you want to casually date and NOT have a serious relationship with are not people who should pick you up from the airport, or bring you fries when you're having the worst cramps ever. One of the perks of remaining single is the freedom from communicative obligation during the workday.

These people don't owe you a patient ear when you had a crap day at work. The only things this person may reasonably be responsible for are your orgasms and half the price of Plan B. Honestly, there is something a thousand percent more serious about walking hand-in-hand with another human in daylight than boning them in a private setting after bar-hopping. Actually, going on fun day-dates is couple-y as hell, and the more you can avoid integrating them into your normal, everyday life is best, so maybe you shouldn't be seeing this person during the day at all."Hey, I'm bored at work and just killing time" conversations may lead you to discover a new facet of them you find ensnaring. You're focusing on your career, so for the love of all that is boundaries, focus!

My name is Beca and up until relatively recently, I was a serial monogamist.

Also, if you start to become more reliant on an emotional connection with them, that immediately intensifies everything. This is just a line that doesn't need to be crossed when you're planning to permanently stay in the casual phase of a relationship.

So when it comes to work events, weddings, and family get togethers, keep your casual person out of it. This seems like a no-brainer, but we are creatures of habit and we are generally terrible at protecting our holy spaces, and YES, if you're a young (or even young-ish) person, the bars, coffee shops, and other hangouts you frequent are indeed your holy places.

You don't have to hide these people, but you should be pretty selective about who you introduce them to and the associated situations. They are where you go with friends, or by yourself, when you need to recharge, regroup, and feel in your comfort zone, all of which are reasons why you should definitely NOT bring someone to those precious places if you don't plan on them being a serious part of your life. You're weak and bummed out, and all of your resolve to do all the things that are good for you just fall away in the face of a more primal need to seek comfortable things.

Worst case scenario: You cool on your attraction to them, in the meantime they fall hard—for both you and your favorite cafe. The whole situations evokes a kind of intimacy you just shouldn't mess with if you want to maintain a certain degree of distance with someone.